Josh Grows Up

“Growing up” doesn’t have as much to do with your age as it does with learning from the hard lessons of life.  I’ve met kids that were mature beyond their years and adults that acted like kids.  In a book I recently read called TheCuckoo’s Egg, the author, Cliff Stoll, talks about his growing up experience as he spends two years tracking down a computer hacker.  When Cliff finds his personal privacy and the security and trust that form the foundation of computer networks threatened, he starts to shift his worldview.  Over the course of a two-year long hacker chase, Cliff gradually moves from being a hippy-anarchist-astronomer to becoming a respected authority on computer security.  Cliff writes, “I realize that I’ve become a grown-up (sob!)—A person who really has a stake” (393). 

My growing up story started 6 years ago.  At the time, I was trying to do too many things at once:  play music professionally, manage a motel and live music theater, be the next network marketing millionaire, run six minute miles, serve at church, and have a great family life.  I was too overcommitted; I couldn’t have excelled in any one of those areas, let alone all of them.  Then I started having health problems.  Instead of just getting tired when I pushed myself past my limits, my body started responding with pain.  I got so frustrated and discouraged when I couldn’t do half of what I used to do.  I felt like a failure.  Little did I know that my health problems would lead me to reshape my life into something much more rewarding. 

I used to compare myself to other people and think of myself as more capable.  What a joke!  I learned that everybody has his or her own problems, and mine finally put me in my place.  Because of more imposing physical limitations, I was forced to slow down.  Once I opened up my eyes to what slowing down meant for me, I stopped feeling like a failure, and I started to be happy again.  I could finally recognize the simple and most important things of life.  I found balance and that I too had a stake.  And while my plans may not seem as grand as they once were, they fit me much better.  I’m happy to say that I’m all grown up and right where I need to be.